169
        
        
          A l l G o o d C h i l d r e n
        
        
          
            Advance Reading Copy
          
        
        
          in Pepper’s closet between dozens of empty hangers. There
        
        
          are some T-shirts in the drawers, but no socks or underwear.
        
        
          I’ve never thought about her panties before, much as I’ve
        
        
          thought about getting them off. But now that I’m searching
        
        
          her dresser, I wish I knew what they looked like.
        
        
          I sit on her bed and feel her absence like a ghost. There’s
        
        
          a thin layer of dust on her night table, with bare spots where
        
        
          picture frames might have stood.
        
        
          She’s gone. I lie back on the pillow and think those two
        
        
          words over and over.
        
        
          Before I leave, I peek behind her bedroom door in hope
        
        
          of a flimsy nightgown I could fantasize with. Instead I find
        
        
          a thin strip of wood—sawn-off window trim—that holds the
        
        
          tiniest painting I ever made. It shows Pepper in a skimpy elf
        
        
          costume up on her toes beside a stack of presents, one leg
        
        
          high in the air behind her, her pointed shoe sparkling like
        
        
          a star. I sketched it at the Christmas production last year,
        
        
          worked on it through the holidays, gave it to her on New
        
        
          Year’s Day.
        
        
          I’m happy that she hung it here. Every time she closed
        
        
          her door, she was reminded of me. But then she packed her
        
        
          frames and panties and left my painting behind.
        
        
          I lift it off its mount. It’s not really stealing. She’s never
        
        
          coming back for it.
        
        
          Ö
        
        
          Someone’s crying in the tent on Sunday morning when I get
        
        
          back from cross-country. I pull apart the front flaps and find
        
        
          my mother on the couch bawling like a baby, her face twisted